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Why Women Cheat

I was recently interviewed for an article on why women cheat.  I shared several thoughts with the author regarding what I’ve observed as a counselor.  Her theory is that a woman’s reason for cheating is often different from a man’s reason.  I think that is often the case.

Below are three reasons that rose to the top of my list.

Why Women Cheat

  • To Connect

Many of the women I’ve worked with who have affairs simply don’t feel cherished in their marriages.   They are lonely or bored or both because they have lost an emotional if not physical connection with their husbands.  They tend to crave emotional intimacy as much if not more than physical intimacy.

  • To Fill a Void in their Self-esteem

If your husband takes you for granted, ignores you, or demeans you, especially over a period of time, your self-esteem takes a plunge.  Women who experience this can develop a desperate need to know that they are valuable and desirable.  Having another man want them is affirming.

  • Pay Back

I’ve heard women say, “I had an affair because he had an affair.”  In these cases choosing to have an affair is an act of anger that generally backfires.  Troubled marriages aren’t like forest fires.  If you fight fire with fire, you’re both likely to get burnt and your marriage is even more likely to become toast.

Is an Affair Worth It?

My short answer is no.  When you decide to have an affair you are making a decision that has the very likely impact of severely damaging  your marriage or even ending it.  The price to you psychologically and spiritually is high.

I know what you’re thinking.  Your marriage is already suffering or you wouldn’t feel a need to look outside your marriage to find what you’re missing.

But, if there are problems in your marriage you would get the most benefit from addressing those problems within the marriage.  Seek marriage counseling.  If your partner won’t join you, go by yourself and work to understand why the problems exist and what you need to do as a result.

Getting to the root of the problems in your marriage or in yourself will set you up for the greatest success.

Click to read Real Reasons Women Cheat by Whitney Coy published on thelist.com

How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver!  Proverbs 16:16 NIV

What to Do if You’re Tempted

If you are married and feeling the temptation to engage in a physical or emotional affair then put on the brakes right now.  Think carefully and prayerfully seek wisdom.  Talk with God about finding a victory over the temptation.  Protect yourself from further hurts by getting help for dealing with the underlying problems in your marriage.

If you have been abandoned, abused, or are for other reasons separated pending divorce please give yourself a break before jumping into a new relationship.  Taking old hurts into a new romance is sure to sabotage that relationship as well as your own heart.

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