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Why Mr. Perfect May Not Be

dating after divorceWhen the one you’ve loved and relied on is permanently gone due to divorce it leaves a void that can burn a hole in your heart.  Do you know what I’m talking about?  Finding someone to feel that emptiness can become a focus in your life.

And then you meet him.  He seems perfect.  Best of all, he seems to like you too.

He’s everything you wanted.  Or is he?   Maybe, maybe not.

When you need someone to make you feel whole it is way too easy to see what you want to see and to put blinders on to what you don’t want to see.  Your heart can conjure up a perception of a new love that is more a reflection of who you want the person to be than it is of reality.  Then when he turns out to be a loser, you get hurt.

When you’re desperate for love you lose your ability to see objectively.  You can create a perfect picture of love in your head and then paint that image on the first person who shows interest in you.  It’s a mirage.

Because you have created an illusion based on hope rather than reality, the relationship eventually falls apart.  This can happen to both men and women.   When the crash comes it can be huge.  If you still haven’t healed from your previous marriage, you’re dumping pain on pain.  Double ouch!

How Do You Avoid This Fiasco?

  1. Recognize that feeling desperate for a relationship puts you at serious risk.
  2. Avoid dating until you’ve become secure enough in yourself that you don’t feel a strong need for a romantic relationship.
  3. Work on feeling confident in yourself and your ability to function and be happy on your own.
  4. Seek God.  Only God can fill the emptiness you have inside.

Neediness isn’t a good foundation for a relationship.  Once you build your own sense of self, and your relationship with God, you’ll be in a much better place to see others clearly for who they are. You’ll also be living a more balanced and happy life on your own.

Christian Inspiration:

How much better to get wisdom than gold, to choose understanding rather than silver!”  Proverbs 16:15 NIV

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Renee Smith Ettline’s blog posts every Wednesday morning.  To see more posts from Renee, visit her blog archives.

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