Why Didn’t God Save My Marriage?

Over and over again I pleaded with God to save my marriage. Why didn’t he?”

It seems logical. If marriage is designed by God as a life-time covenant and you pray wholeheartedly for God to save your marriage, why wouldn’t he? It may make it seem like God doesn’t really care.

God cares.

So, what gives?

Humm….

Consider these five points:

God didn’t cause your divorce. When God doesn’t intervene and force your spouse to want to work out your marriage, it can seem like God deserted you. Divorce can seem like God’s fault because he failed to do what you asked. God never causes divorce so blaming God points the finger in the wrong direction. Divorce is caused by human choices.

God is close to the broken-hearted. That’s a promise of the Word in Psalms 34:18. It also says that the Lord also saves those who are crushed in spirit. Our pain can veil God’s presence but he is present.

God gives people free-will. God may not answer prayer if we ask him to override the free will he gives to people. Praying on behalf of another person is different than asking God to make a person do what we think they should. Free-will is a great gift from God because it allows us to choose to be in relationship with him. Otherwise, we would just be his pawns rather than his children.

God can take the mess humans create and redeem it. It is what God does. It is why Christ died.  The Lord redeems those who follow him. During the gut-wrenching pain of my divorce I found this scripture that seemed to fit how I felt and I prayed it several times a day.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”

Psalm 51:10-12 (NIV)

He did. He will for you too. God is even working in you now if you are asking him to do so. Cling to this daily as he works in you to restore your spirit and relieve the pain of divorce.

God has a plan for you. “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’” (Jeremiah 29:11). Seek God’s plan for you.

Christian Inspiration: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” 1 Peter 5:6

Talk with God

Reflect on this post and talk with God about your own situation.

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11 Comments on Why Didn’t God Save My Marriage?

    • Renee Ettline says:

      Jen, thanks for your comment. It’s so easy to wonder about this topic, but God never leaves us even when our marriage has failed. I’m glad this reminder helped! God bless.

  1. jennifer says:

    I believe God sees the bigger picture. I prayed for change for over 12 years being married to a drug addict and alcoholic who never changed and progressively got worse as the years. Each cycle I would feel abandoned by God when it would start again and my children and I suffered. Now I truly see he had free will and his indulgences and selfish behaviors was his choice not God. Also since I decided to file God has shown that the kids and I are important – even strangers have done things for us that have humbled me. I don’t know why my soon to be ex never got caught or had consequences but I do have a strong feeling that God has been waiting for the kids and I to be safely away from him.

    • Renee Ettline says:

      Thanks for your comment Jennifer. You and your children are indeed important to God! I’m glad you know that.

  2. thnka says:

    Thank you for the reminder!

  3. Tami Shahan says:

    I am a single mom of a 6 year old girl she’s my world my husband walked out on us and 2 years ago and he had been living with another woman I haven’t went out with anyone else because it’s not the right thing because we are not divorced and it daughter is the most important person in my life and I can’t afford to get a divorce but I have been asked it by someone that I a attracted to but I don’t know if it’s right in God’s eyes to go could you please help me pray for me and my daughter I know in my heart that God has blessed me in so many ways I am a true believer but I know that this isn’t the ideal situation please help

    • Renee Ettline says:

      Tami thank you for writing. I just prayed for you and your daughter. I trust that God will lead you on the right path and give you discernment to make good choices and to know his will. If you need legal assistance you might want to see if there is a legal aid office in your area. Bless you!

  4. Marcus Compton says:

    Please pray for me and my wife Ann. She has filed for divorce. I do not want a divorce.

    • Renee Ettline says:

      Marcus, I just prayed for you and Ann. It’s very hard when you don’t want the divorce but you are being divorced anyway. Keep your eyes on God. He will see you through whatever comes your way. I have two avenues through which you can get support. Join my peer support group on Facebook. It’s called the Separation & Divorce Christian Community. The other suggestion is to find a local Peace after Divorce group. If there isn’t one near you, you can take the Peace after Divorce Workshop online in the near future. If you’d like to be updated on start dates, you can sign up to be notified when you visit this page I will send workshop starting dates to you as soon as they are confirmed.

  5. E T Greene says:

    My wife wants out if our marriage. After 15 years and 6 children. I am heart broken, I can’t eat, sleep, it’s hard to work. I give up on God helping, then fill bad about that choice. Please pray for her and me. It is a hardening of the heart issue. Please please pray tha God steps in somehow.

    • Renee Ettline says:

      ET that is very heart breaking. I know you would just like God to swoop in and make everything right. That’s not how God works. Know that God is working for the good even though you may not see it. God gives us the beautiful gift of free will and I pray that you and your wife will both be inspired to save your marriage. If she does not use her free will that way, it doesn’t mean God has abandoned you. Seek him with all your heart for he is close to the broken-hearted. He saves those who are crushed in spirit. I pray that God’s good and perfect will be done in your life.

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