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When Divorce Does Crazy Things to Your Heart

Dating and divorce, LonelinessAll night long on my bed, I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him.  I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves.  So I looked for him but did not find him.

Song of Songs 3: 1-2 (NIV)


These words from Song of Songs (Song of Solomon) are about love not divorce.  Yet, I think they say so much.  Love makes the heart do both wonderful as well as crazy things.

When we lose our love we may long for it’s return.  When that doesn’t happen, we may figuratively or literally go about the city searching for love.  We want to find someone to love, and perhaps even more, we want to find someone to love us.

Do you know the feeling?   Are you deeply craving someone to fill the emptiness?

Wanting to love and be loved in itself isn’t crazy.  It’s human. But, when the need to be loved clouds your judgement, you become vulnerable.

This deep neediness for love is a part of the craziness that divorce can create in your heart.  It’s crazy because deep need can make you settle.

Don’t ever settle.


When you settle, you open yourself to:

  1. Short-changing yourself and not getting the relationship you really want.
  2. Sacrificing your own self-esteem
  3. Repeating hurtful past patterns.
  4. Accepting poor treatment just to feel the illusion of love.

Don’t do that to yourself.  It’s like jumping into the fire.  You deserve better.

Don’t yield to the urges of a crazy needy heart.

So, what can you do instead?

  • Give yourself time to heal to the point you aren’t hurting for love.
  • Wait until you’re judgement isn’t clouded by neediness.
  • Set your standards and expectations for a loving relationship.
  • Learn to love yourself.
  • Trust that God has a work to do in you now. Talk with God.

Don’t jump into the fire. Let God help you un-crazy your heart.

Take Your Next Step…

About the Author

Renee Smith Ettline, life after divorceRenee Smith Ettline, M.Ed. is founder of After Divorce Ministries, LLC, author of Peace after Divorce, and creator of the Peace after Divorce Workshop. Her Peace after Divorce Workshop group study is widely offered in churches and reaches across denominational lines.  She builds on her background as an educational counselor, her Christian faith, and her own divorce experience to light a path for those who need support for healing from divorce.







7 Comments on When Divorce Does Crazy Things to Your Heart

  1. D says:

    I had a divorce this january. I feel like I have been searching for love with the wrong men and in the wrong things such as alcohol drugs. I’m tired and I’m done hurting my self for some one else’s decision. Please keep me in prayer. This article really opened my eyes and I am not going to be so hard on my self.
    Thank you!

    • Renee Ettline says:

      It’s easy to search for love in the wrong places. We all want to be loved. I’m glad the article helped you. I just prayed for you.

      • Basrah Sadah says:

        Thank you!

        • Renee Ettline says:

          You’re welcome! Blessings to you.

  2. Edith says:

    I felt the same thing and nearly fell victim of another broken heart. I deserve better. I am willing to wait for the right time when God open that chance for me. This blog really helped me. I was close to dive into fire.

    • Renee Ettline says:

      Edith, You do deserve better. Waiting on God is a good idea because He knows when you’re ready for a new relationship. I’m glad you recognize your worth!

      • Basrah Sadah says:

        wow this is awesome! I will pray for you ladies and keep me in prayer I know God is going to do big things in our lives God bless you.

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