Just before Christmas several years ago I was given the word that my first marriage was about to end. “Joy to the World” wasn’t exactly my first holiday sentiment. I was devastated.
Frankly, I did not want to be around happy people. My grief was too profound. Yet in the end, it turned out to be a blessing. The gathering of family and friends proved to be my soft place to land at a time I desperately needed comfort.
Holidays, especially those associated with traditions, have a crazy way of magnifying our losses. Blues can set in because of expectations, lost traditions, […]
4 Myths about Divorce that Can Hurt Your Church – Part 4 of 4 in the Series
We know God can do immeasurably more than we hope or imagine. We know it because we’ve lived it. So, when a person is facing divorce, our natural faith-driven instinct is to highlight this truth of the Christian faith. Because we know the power of God, we can be quick to assume that the person who is accepting divorce as their reality simply hasn’t given God time to work, or believed hard enough in God’s faithfulness.
You don’t have enough faith, we think or say.
For David it was subtle. People at his church didn’t come right out and say it, but he could feel the difference and see it in their eyes. They were more aloof. Because of his divorce he felt treated differently. He already felt like a failure so this undercurrent in his relationship with people at church was a reaffirmation that he was now stigmatized. He was perceived as a lower level Christian.
For Sarah it was much more direct. The words stabbed at her heart. She could no longer serve in certain areas of the church because she was divorced. She […]
4 Myths about Divorce that Can Hurt Your Church – Part 2 of 4 in the Series
When a person is facing divorce, it is so easy to tell them to turn to prayer. And we should. There’s no better time for ceaseless prayer than during times of trouble.
But, the simple directive that, “You just need to pray more and God will save your marriage,” falls short. Plus, what if you pray, and pray, and pray and God doesn’t save your marriage? What then?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a huge believer in the power of prayer. Prayer builds […]
4 Myths about Divorce that Can Hurt Your Church – Part 1 of 4 in the Series
When it comes to building and nourishing a marriage the message is clear, both partners have a responsibility. As Christian leaders we challenge each person to do all he or she can to honor the marriage covenant, build the relationship, and create a loving Christ-centered home. We challenge each person to give 100 percent to making the marriage work. But, are there times when a single 100% won’t carry a marriage? Sadly, there are.
Since we come from the understanding that each person in the […]
Someone just wrote me that she had been doing very well and felt like she was really healing from divorce. Then she ran across her marriage license. It set her back.
God only knows how many times it happened to me. I’d think I was fine. Suddenly a certain song would come on the radio, or something else would trigger an emotion related to my divorce. Clear out of the blue…ZAP!
There I was tearing up again. A gut-wrenching stir of turmoil was rising inside—an emotional flare-up for sure. Over time, as I continued to work through my divorce, emotional flare-ups […]
How long are you going to allow that man to live rent free in your head?”
I love that question. Don’t you?
One of our workshop participants says it is what her mother asks her when she obsesses about her ex-husband. (Also applies to an ex-wife.)
Are Your Thoughts Casting Shadows in Your Life?
Isn’t it true that it is so easy to let your thoughts about your ex get the best of you? Dealing with your ex can be difficult even in your own head. This mental battle is reported by many people who come to our Peace after Divorce groups. […]
Mark 10 says that a divorced man who remarries again commits adultery…but what if that husband was left by his wife?”
(Question about Christians and divorce from a reader in the Philippines.)
You’ve asked a most excellent question. Scholars have debated issues related to divorce throughout the ages, back to the time of Jesus and before. Even now, different Christian churches teach different things about whether a person can marry again after divorce.
Back in the Day…
When Jesus was asked by the Pharisees about divorce, it was a test. (Mark 10:2 and Matthew 19:3) At the time a […]
I remember feeling like my life was over. I struggled to absorb the impact of the word divorce as its reality crashed in and rippled throughout my whole life. If you’ve been there you know what I mean.
My life wasn’t over…no, far from it.
Neither is yours.
Your pain is real. Your frustrations understandable. Your circumstances probably less than desirable.
But your life IS NOT over. You have a future!
You’re more than your marriage. Being married becomes a part of your identity but it isn’t who you are. God has instilled in you a unique package of wonderful traits. I am certain […]
Nothing has ever made me feel as hostile and confused as divorce. Dealing with my own resentment toward my spouse was hard. Wondering where I went wrong was confusing. And deep in my heart I felt a space between me and God because I had fallen short of his expectations for my marriage.
The burden of all of this can weigh heavy when you’re a divorcing or divorced person. In fact divorce guilt and divorce anger each deserve several blog posts. Each of these emotions and the thoughts that go with them can keep you from healing from divorce.
So What […]