So as a man thinks in his heart, so is he…” Proverbs 23:7 (NKJV)
- How do you feel about being single again?
- More than your feelings, what do you think about singleness after divorce?
- Does being single feel comfortable?
Do you think you can be happy single? Do you think you need a love life to be happy? Be honest.
Thoughts about singleness influence reactions to being single. Thinking that single people need a mate to make them whole is a Darkness Thought that may result in seeking a mate before working through the fallout of divorce. It may also prevent learning to be whole as an individual fulfilled by a relationship with Christ.
The In-the-Light Thought to replace this Darkness Thought is that you can be whole without having a mate because only God can make you whole. Knowing you can be whole with God frees you to stay single or decide to seek another mate once you’ve recovered from your divorce. If you are looking to God rather than to another human for your sense of wholeness, you are actually a better candidate for a successful marriage should you decide to marry again.
If you believe that singleness is necessarily lonely, you will be lonely. If you believe you can be unmarried and not be lonely, you will grow to enjoy your own space and develop an interesting life with friends, hobbies, and social activities. Your thoughts about singleness will set the tone for your success in adjusting to life as a single person.
The better you adjust to being a single person, the better prepared you are to love again.
Why? To truly love another person you need to love yourself. It allows you to love the other person for who they are rather than for who you need them to be to fulfill your emptiness.
- What thoughts do you have about singleness?
- Do you need to revise your thoughts?
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13 NIV
About the Author: Renee Smith Ettline is founder of After Divorce Ministries, LLC and author of Peace after Divorce.