“Aren’t You Over Divorce Yet?” Handling That Annoying Question

Really, you should be over him by now,” said a friend. “You know he wasn’t good for you. You know you’re better off without him. Get over it.”

“It’s only been seven months,” said Debbie. “AUGH!!!!!!!!”

Debbie’s friend doesn’t get it.

Others’ Expectations

Have people told you that you should be over your divorce? Does it make you feel like they think there is something wrong with you? I’m sure it doesn’t make you feel understood.

Five Things They Don’t Get

  1. Emotions don’t turn off with the flick of a switch.
  2. Legal divorce doesn’t automatically mean emotional divorce.
  3. Divorce isn’t black and white—it’s complicated.
  4. It is smart to guard your heart while it heals.
  5. It takes time and intent to heal from divorce.

Claim Your Right to Heal in Your Own Time

Friends who act like you should just “get over it” probably mean well. That said, you do have the right to work through healing in your own time. (Be aware that there is a difference between taking time to heal and permanently wallowing. Don’t fall prey to living with a helpless victim mentality!)

A failed marriage hurts but you can heal.  It will take time and intent.

7 Things You Can Do

  1. Claim your right to heal in your own time. Be patient with yourself.
  2. If badgered by friends or relatives, tell them you appreciate their concern but that it is normal to take time to heal from divorce.
  3. Work through your emotional divorce. Get help by seeing a counselor, joining a good divorce recovery group or working through healing resources on your own. Read books and blogs that guide you through real-life strategies for healing from divorce.
  4. Let go of emotional ties to the past, one day at a time.
  5. Set boundaries with your ex to make the present less stressful.
  6. Guard your heart while it heals. Avoid rebound romances.
  7. Become intentional about healing from divorce. Don’t rely on time alone. Seek step-by-step guidance that allows you to personalize your journey.

You can heal from divorce. Be intentional. Be patient with yourself. Prayerfully seek God’s guidance daily.

Christian Inspiration…

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”   Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

Talk with God…

Ask God what he wants you to learn from what you just read.  Listen.

Get the Help You Need…

Hear from reader Liz Nista…

In this book, (Peace after Divorce) Renee walks through your experience with you (she’s been there herself) and helps you to understand how the devastation that is your new reality can be transformed into something even better. Renee uses scripture in each chapter to give us strength and to know we are not alone. We’ve all had the experience of someone throwing a tired old scripture our way to make us feel better. It generally does the opposite. Renee takes God’s beautiful words and shows us how they apply to today. Your divorce will change who you are but this book will help you make sure it doesn’t define who you are. Remarkably, I was able to come to a place of forgiveness and acceptance. I pray that same peace for everyone considering this book.

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