No matter what brought your marriage to an end, it hurts to have lost love. Not only that, but learning to face every day single is often lonely. It’s normal to feel like you would like someone new to fill the void and help you feel whole again.
Yet, searching for romance out of loneliness leaves you more vulnerable to accepting a relationship with the wrong person. Plus, if you take old wounds into a new relationship it increases the likelihood that you’ll be hurt again. Nobody wants that.
Wanting to love and be loved is normal. Yet, you can put yourself on much more steady footing if you first work on finding yourself and being okay as a single person. How do you do that? Here are three steps to start.
- Refocus your thoughts to view being alone as an opportunity for personal growth.
- Take time to discover who you are. Be intentional about it.
- Talk with God, learn more about God, and listen for his leading.
If you do these things you can grow to feel confident. You will come to better recognize your own value in the eyes of God. You’ll also come to see that God has a plan for your life, a plan for good. Time alone becomes enriching.
Human love can be wonderful but I want you to know this truth:
If you’re looking to another person to make you whole you will always be disappointed. Only God can do that.
I love this quote from May Sarton.
Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is richness of self.
You can find richness of self when you fully comprehend how important you are to God. That is empowering!
Find your sense of wholeness in your relationship with Christ for your identity lies with him not in another person. Work on healing from divorce and finding yourself. Shift your mindset to seeing solitude as an opportunity to grow.
Let Christ fill your emptiness and restore your joy. Once you are no longer emotionally needy you will be in a much better place for a new romantic relationship with another human. Until then, know that God is with you. Let him be the richness in your solitude for he will never leave you or forsake you.
…As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. Joshua 1:5
Talk with God about your loneliness. Ask him to use your time alone to teach you his ways, to help you discover who you are in him, and to bring peace to your spirit.
About the Author:
Renee Smith Ettline, M.Ed. is founder of After Divorce Ministries, LLC, author of Peace after Divorce, and creator of the Peace after Divorce Workshop. Her Peace after Divorce Workshop group study is widely offered in churches and reaches across denominational lines. She builds on her background as an educational counselor, her Christian faith, and her own divorce experience to light a path for those who need support for healing from divorce.
What’s Your Next Step?
- To find out how to start a Peace after Divorce group ministry to your church, visit our start a group page.
- To hear testimonies about the Peace after Divorce Workshop, click here.
- To find a group, click here.
- Can’t find a group near you? Purchase our self-study.