I know divorce is tough but God will not put more on you than you can handle.
God allowed you to go through divorce because he has something better for you.
Being in this difficult situation caused by your divorce is a part of God’s plan for you.
Putting you through these trials is God’s way of making you stronger.
So many times I’ve heard statements like these. They are well-intended and meant to console. But are they true?
Personally, I don’t believe so.
- I get it that they are saying God is all powerful. Agreed.
- I also get it that they imply that God is there for us. Agreed.
- I also understand that God can use our trials to make us stronger.
For me, the error comes in the implied responsibility. It sounds suspiciously like those who speak these well-intended words believe that God has created our undesirable divorce-related circumstances and pain. I disagree.
Separation and divorce and the spin-off that comes from them are not God’s doing. The trials that come from divorce are created by the choices of humans. Yes, the trials are consequences of human behavior, perhaps our own, or perhaps our ex’s.
Why is it Important to Make this Distinction?
- If our undesirable circumstances are even subtly accredited to God, we blame Him unfairly for our separation and divorce.
- If we believe God is making us go through the negative circumstances that spring from separation and divorce, then we fail to recognize human responsibility in the situation, including our ability to improve our lives with God’s help.
A More Accurate Perspective
Divorce results from human choices. Challenges almost always ensue. Often we must suffer from the choices of others including our former spouses.
Rethinking the statements at the top of this post, I would like to offer you the following replacements:
- God takes our human messes and helps us to handle them if we rely on Him.
- God doesn’t will divorce for us but he can turn our chaos into beauty. He loves us and does have a plan for a future and a hope for each of us. We have but to seek and follow him.
- Divorce and the negative circumstances that surround it are not a part of God’s plan. Yet, He is close to the brokenhearted and will redeem our lives if we let Him.
- God doesn’t cause divorce and its consequences but He can indeed use them to make us stronger. He can use them to teach us and bring us closer to Him.
God loves you. You can count on that. Take his hand he is there for you.
About the Author
Renee has been through divorce and wants to help you heal too. Her ministry is to allow God to use her faith, her counseling skills, and His love to help others cope with and heal from divorce. She is a Christ follower, founder of After Divorce Ministries, a retired counselor, and an award-winning author. Her book, Peace after Divorce has been recognized as an exemplary Christian self-help book by the Illumination Book Awards.