If you could only see where I used to live and where I live now that he kicked me out of his house. My budget is so tight and paying the bills is a challenge. I’m miserable and it is his fault.”
Carol’s eyes flood with tears and her voice weakens to a whimper. Carol sees no way out and she is angry. Her ex is a louse.
She had been a faithful wife. Her situation is undesirable and she has a right to be angry. Yet in the face of her reality, Carol is blinded.
It’s understandable that Carol blames her ex. But Carol is sabotaging herself. Carol has resigned herself to blame her ex with such ferocity that she is missing out on hope, faith, and the power of her own choices.
Sadly Carol has settled into being a victim. It shouts to the world that she has been treated unfairly. It seems only right to her. But is it healthy?
Is Your Ex to Blame for Your Current Circumstances?
With divorce there can be plenty of reasons to point a finger. Sometimes blame feels justified. Blaming your ex seems right and feels good.
So What’s the Problem with Placing Blame Where it Belongs?
The problem with blame is that no good future comes from it.
- Blame does not solve any problems.
- Even when justified, blame has a negative mental and spiritual backlash for the person who does the blaming.
- Blame can lead to grudges and revenge.
- Grudges and revenge reduce your ability to accept God’s gifts of love and peace.
Blaming may also be a way to sidestep personal responsibility. When we focus on blaming someone else we assume no responsibility for problems with the marriage. Sadly, if we assume no responsibility for our faults, it will be difficult to assume responsibility for our growth.
Blame steals your energy and stalls your ability to take action to move yourself forward.
Even more importantly…
Blame focuses your attention on the power of another person in your life rather than the power of God in your life.
What You Can Do About It
Removing blame from your thoughts can take effort and prayer, but it is possible. Take your time as you answer the questions below. Write what comes to mind now and add to your answers as you ponder the questions over the next week.
- Make a list of all your circumstances for which you blame your ex.
- Review your list and write down at least three things YOU can do to take action to improve those circumstances. (Don’t think about what your ex could or should have done.)
- Talk with God – Ponder this reading and share your thoughts with God. Listen so that the Holy Spirit might fill you with wisdom and peace. What concrete actions do you need to take based on what God is saying to you?
- Take positive action to make your circumstances better.
Don’t accept undesirable circumstances when you have the power to chip away at them and move yourself to a better place. With God’s help, you can take back your power to prayerfully make good things happen in your own life.
Christian Inspiration: “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people… I am the LORD.” Leviticus 19:18 NIV