What a great question. The ability to trust is so often a casualty of divorce, at least for a while. I mean, after you’ve been betrayed in one way or another, it’s normal to become afraid to take chances with your heart. The deeper the betrayal, the harder it is to learn to trust. And, that fear of being hurt again can make you not trust anyone.
Start with Yourself
I think the first challenge is beginning to trust yourself again. You may start to wonder if you can make good judgement calls about who to trust. After all, you trusted someone who hurt you. I know what that’s like.
Common sense says we shouldn’t continue to trust someone who has proven untrustworthy. Anyone who has repeatedly hurt us needs to show a long pattern of changed behavior before we start to trust them again. Not everyone is worthy of our trust.
Will someone else fall short of your expectations? Well, we all have that happen from time to time. You can’t totally escape hurt. It’s important to acknowledge that.
So Why Bother
Relationships give the greatest richness to life, so learning to trust your own judgement about other people is important. It’s also important to learn to assess whether someone is trustworthy and to use discernment in deciding who to trust.
If you read those little pamphlets that come with medications they will say something about how your doctor believes the benefits of the medication outweigh the risks. I think it is that way with trust. You have to consider each relationship and decide whether the potential benefits outweigh the risks.
Learning to Trust Again
Start by giving yourself permission to trust a friend. That’s safer than jumping into a romantic relationship and working on trust. Intentionally and gradually add more trust to your life.
Work on your own healing from divorce before you get into a romantic relationship. Why? Because facing the world with a needy or fearful heart will impact your ability to discern who to trust.
Most of all, learn to trust your ability to pray to God and then make good judgment calls. Pray for discernment that you will be able to know who you can trust and to what degree. Talk to God and then listen to what he says to your soul. One thing is for sure, you can always trust that God has your best interest at heart.
My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion;
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