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Divorce: Hurting and Lonely

hurting, pain of divorce

When you’re hurting and lonely there can be a great hunger to fill the void left by your ex. The person you hoped would be there for you isn’t anymore. Yes, it’s lonely and it hurts.

It also creates a danger zone full of pitfalls.

Two Major Pitfalls to Avoid

  1. Investing a great deal of energy in wanting someone back who has no intention of returning to you.
  2. Believing that finding someone new to love will make everything better.

The first pitfall leaves you stuck when everything about your ex’s behavior says that person has moved on without you and isn’t looking back.

The second leaves you vulnerable because you are looking for another human to help make you whole.

So What about the Hole in Your Heart?

I get it.  The pain is real.  The void in your heart is a real challenge.

But, here’s the truth. You have to fill that internal void before you can let go of the old relationship and be successful in a new relationship.  If you skip this step you set yourself up for more pain.

Only God can truly make you whole.  Working through the issues of divorce with God’s help will fill that void. Then you will feel whole without having a mate.

Once you reach that point, you will be able to let go of the past. Having someone new in your life will be a joy rather than a need. It’s a much better foundation for a new relationship.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

Psalm 119:105 (NASB)

If you need help avoiding the pitfalls of divorce and getting past the pain and loneliness we believe you’ll love Renee’s book, Peace after Divorce.  Click the link to see reader reviews.


Are you sufficiently healed to want to help others?  Talk with your church about offering a Peace after Divorce group.  No expertise in divorce recovery is needed.  Click to learn more.


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2 Comments on Divorce: Hurting and Lonely

  1. Rhonda Boyle says:

    There is a hole in my heart. On the human level I have been rejected by everyone who was supposed to love me. I am a Christian and know the promises of God, but I wonder am I never to know human love in this life? I came from a broken home with an absent father and a present but cold mother. Married young. Divorced. Married again, a Christian man. He despised me from the start. I had an affair. The Lord found me and saved me in all this and I thought it was His will to stay with my husband even though it was plain he didn’t want to be married. 38 years later I found out he was having an affair. And that it wasn’t the first. Divorce followed. One part of me rejects the thought of another man in my life. But sometimes I wonder if there is a godly man who could love me. Is there a godly man?

    • Renee Ettline says:

      Rhonda, there are Godly men. I have two suggestions. First, before you open yourself to the risk of being hurt again I highly recommend you focus on healing your past hurts. Doing so will help you avoid taking those wounds into a new relationship. You may wish to seek a support group or counseling. You may also find it helpful to read Peace after Divorce or ask your church to sponsor a Peace after Divorce group. Second, only God can fill the hole in your heart. Seek God with all of your heart and know that He loves you very much!

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