The title of the old song, Gimme Some Lovin’ seems to fit the feeling that often comes during separation and divorce. Emptiness, loneliness, and a haunting question about whether or not we are still loveable can give us the strong urge to find love. I call it the “Empty Love Pot.”
If we can find someone to love us then we can fill the loneliness. We can reassure ourselves that we are indeed still loveable. We can be happy.
It’s a natural way to feel wouldn’t you agree? We want to heal the loss by finding a replacement. We want to know that we can be found desirable by another person. We think it will make us happy.
Yet, getting involved with another person too quickly can end up deepening our wounds if that relationship does not work out. Furthermore, it can subject us to repeating the same relationship mistakes made in marriage. So what should we do if we want to find a good mate?
Healing first doesn’t mean you’ll never be hurt again. On the other hand, finding another person won’t really heal the wounds of your divorce. Focus first on your own healing. Take a good look at yourself and get whatever help you need. Pray for insight. By healing divorce wounds you will be a happier person and stand to have a healthier future relationship.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.
Psalm 32:8 NIV
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About the Author
Renee Smith Ettline, M.Ed. is founder of After Divorce Ministries, LLC, author of Peace after Divorce, and creator of the Peace after Divorce Workshop. Her Peace after Divorce Workshop group study is widely offered in churches and reaches across denominational lines. She builds on her background as an educational counselor, her Christian faith, and her own divorce experience to light a path for those who need support for healing from divorce.