I remember the sinking feeling that came with divorce. It was all so emotionally complicated. I was a pretty self-confident person and then suddenly I wasn’t.
How could I be worth anything if my spouse didn’t value me?
This is one of the landmines of divorce. If the one who promised to love you forever now abandons you, lies to you, is unfaithful, abuses you physically or emotionally, or neglects you, it’s easy to decide you must be worthless.
It’s a natural reaction, but it isn’t true. You’re worth more than that. Lots […]
Over the years I’ve often heard people hoping that karma catches up with their ex spouse. I get that because hurt, especially the deep hurt of infidelity and divorce, is a rotten feeling. And, when you’ve been so betrayed and broken by another person, it’s only natural to want to see that person get their due.
You want someone to make them pay for all the hurt they caused you. You certainly don’t want to see the person who hurt you now living a happy life. That just feels so very wrong.
The problem is that the desire […]
My first husband left just before Christmas. I could hardly feel “Peace on earth, good will toward men.” As Christmas approached, the season seemed devoid of meaning. I hurt so much that it seemed the life had been sucked out of me.
Fear is perhaps the most prevailing emotion associated with divorce. Fear of change, fear of the future, fear of being alone, fears for your children, and the list goes on. Fear rattles your cage and makes you desperate for a sense of security.
Divorce gives us plenty of reasons to fear. Fear is a brutal master.
So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, ‘Abba, Father.’ For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s […]
Yikes! A few years ago I broke my foot. Suddenly my plans for the next several weeks were brought to a halt. Okay, you’re hearing about my broken bone situation because it pales in comparison to all the ways divorce can bring abrupt and prolonged changes to a person’s life.
Divorce slams the brakes on the dreams you had when you got married. Divorce shifts your now and your future in a new direction. You may find yourself overwhelmed with change.
Life may feel crazy for a while which is normal when your life faces a huge change of course. […]
What a great question. The ability to trust is so often a casualty of divorce, at least for a while. I mean, after you’ve been betrayed in one way or another, it’s normal to become afraid to take chances with your heart. The deeper the betrayal, the harder it is to learn to trust. And, that fear of being hurt again can make you not trust anyone.
Start with Yourself
I think the first challenge is beginning to trust yourself again. You may start to wonder if you can make good judgement calls about who to trust. After all, you trusted someone […]
For me one of the worse things about separation and divorce was feeling like I failed. Marriage means so much to me. Yet, I felt like I failed my marriage, failed my vows, failed myself, failed my family, and failed God. I felt lower than I had ever felt in my life. Do you find yourself feeling that way?
For Christians marriage is more than a legal arrangement, it is a covenant. Feelings of failure when a marriage ends can be overwhelming.
But here’s the kicker…If you allow yourself to go through life seeing yourself as […]
Yesterday we had a bad storm and lost power. As the sun settled in the sky and the room darkened I realized just how very dependent on electricity I am. The pizza I had just prepared was quickly placed in the oven in the hopes that the oven would stay hot enough to cook it. I had work to do but my laptop battery was fading quickly. There was no Internet anyway. I shut down my phone so its battery would still have some life if I really needed it. Without power, I was left in the dark trying to […]
Divorce can be lonely. You may feel like no one really understands what you are going through. Worse yet, you may feel like nobody really cares. Even God may seem far away.
It’s tough and the pain is so personal.
The mere words of others can seem trite and shallow even when they are intended to comfort. You need the support of those who really get it. You need reinforcements to help you feel like you are not so alone and to help you see that the pain you feel can be healed. You need reassurance that while the scars may linger, […]
Your chest literally hurts from the heartbreak. Your doctor can find no physical problem. But, inside you know it is likely the stress and strain of what has happened to your marriage.
He’s gone.* He’s found someone else and has made it clear he isn’t coming back. As much as you want to hate him, you still love him. You wonder why.
Finding out someone cheated on you doesn’t just wipe away your love instantly when you’ve loved deeply.
It’s normal for you to hurt under these circumstances. When you’ve worked and prayed to save your marriage and it still fails it is […]