Is healing from divorce possible? Some say no. I say yes.
An article I recently read sure rattled me.
From what I could tell, the purpose of the article was to encourage the reader not to consider divorce as a solution to marital problems. No problem there. I agree that commitment to working through difficult issues and coming out on the other side together is both rewarding and a part of growing together.
Divorce isn’t an easy solution. I agree with that. Life after divorce can be fraught with new challenges. Many who think they want a divorce change their mind when they witness the pain of others who are dealing with divorce.
What bothered me about the article is that it suggested you can NEVER heal from divorce. I disagree.
Perhaps the difference is in the definition of healing. Healing doesn’t take away the divorce experience. Healing doesn’t take away the situational outcomes of life after divorce.
A failed marriage and all that goes with it remains a part of your history just as it is a part of my history. You will always know it is a chapter of your life that did not turn out like you planned. Being healed from divorce doesn’t mean you go back to whole as you knew it before. Whole takes on a new look.
So what on earth does it mean to be healed from divorce?
In my experience, being healed from divorce means that your divorce no longer has emotional power in your life.
I know that healing can be achieved because I’m there. I am healed. You can grow to be there too.
To be healed from divorce, you have to start to believe you can. Then you have to be intentional about healing.
Healing from separation and divorce won’t accidently happen. Recovering from separation and divorce is a decision, a process, and a journey of faith. Finding healing after divorce entails making choices to adapt positively to the realities of your divorce, finding empowerment to heal, and actively pursuing positive new directions.
This means making the decision to work through your divorce until it no longer pushes your buttons. Seek counseling, work through systems for healing, attend a group on healing from divorce. If there’s not a Peace after Divorce group near you, ask your church to start one or find another divorce support group in your community. Tap all your resources.
A Wondrous Thing
God designed you to be able to adapt and grow. That’s no small thing. Choose to prayerfully do the hard but rewarding work of healing.
Be patient with yourself but be determined. Work through your emotions and thoughts until divorce has lost its emotional power in your life. I did. You can too.
Become intentional about healing from divorce!
So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
Luke 11:9 NIV
About the Author
Renee’s first marriage ended in divorce. Her church at that time did not understand how to minister to those hurting from divorce. Each having faced separation and divorce without support, she and her now husband Fred felt called by God to do what they could to help others to heal as they had. This call to action resulted in the formation of After Divorce Ministries, LLC and the writing of the book, Peace after Divorce. [Read More]
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This Christian divorce recovery blog publishes every Wednesday.