When you want your children to grow up with strong Christian values but their other parent isn’t on board it can be more than infuriating. It can be a dilemma. It’s especially a dilemma if your children’s other parent is an active influence in their lives.
In an ideal world, divorced parents work together for the good of their children. But, the words divorce and ideal aren’t a natural match. And, if your ex has committed adultery, has an addiction problem, or lacks integrity, your children are subject to have those influences in their lives.
No wonder you’re concerned.
On the one hand, […]
When the road to divorce became a reality, as well as when I was first divorced, church became a two-edged sword for me. It was hard to go alone. It was hard to sit alone. It was hard not to cry.
But, I went.
I went because hearing a message reminded me that God was near. Being with fellow believers reassured me that I was a part of something far greater than myself. And, the lyrics and sounds of the songs lifted my soul.
The real conflict was that I felt like I let God down even though I wasn’t the one who […]
I remember the sinking feeling that came with divorce. It was all so emotionally complicated. I was a pretty self-confident person and then suddenly I wasn’t.
How could I be worth anything if my spouse didn’t value me?
This is one of the landmines of divorce. If the one who promised to love you forever now abandons you, lies to you, is unfaithful, abuses you physically or emotionally, or neglects you, it’s easy to decide you must be worthless.
It’s a natural reaction, but it isn’t true. You’re worth more than that. Lots […]
Over the years I’ve often heard people hoping that karma catches up with their ex spouse. I get that because hurt, especially the deep hurt of infidelity and divorce, is a rotten feeling. And, when you’ve been so betrayed and broken by another person, it’s only natural to want to see that person get their due.
You want someone to make them pay for all the hurt they caused you. You certainly don’t want to see the person who hurt you now living a happy life. That just feels so very wrong.
The problem is that the desire […]
My first husband left just before Christmas. I could hardly feel “Peace on earth, good will toward men.” As Christmas approached, the season seemed devoid of meaning. I hurt so much that it seemed the life had been sucked out of me.
4 Myths about Divorce that Can Hurt Your Church – Part 4 of 4 in the Series
We know God can do immeasurably more than we hope or imagine. We know it because we’ve lived it. So, when a person is facing divorce, our natural faith-driven instinct is to highlight this truth of the Christian faith. Because we know the power of God, we can be quick to assume that the person who is accepting divorce as their reality simply hasn’t given God time to work, or believed hard enough in God’s faithfulness.
You don’t have enough faith, we think or say.
For David it was subtle. People at his church didn’t come right out and say it, but he could feel the difference and see it in their eyes. They were more aloof. Because of his divorce he felt treated differently. He already felt like a failure so this undercurrent in his relationship with people at church was a reaffirmation that he was now stigmatized. He was perceived as a lower level Christian.
For Sarah it was much more direct. The words stabbed at her heart. She could no longer serve in certain areas of the church because she was divorced. She […]
4 Myths about Divorce that Can Hurt Your Church – Part 2 of 4 in the Series
When a person is facing divorce, it is so easy to tell them to turn to prayer. And we should. There’s no better time for ceaseless prayer than during times of trouble.
But, the simple directive that, “You just need to pray more and God will save your marriage,” falls short. Plus, what if you pray, and pray, and pray and God doesn’t save your marriage? What then?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a huge believer in the power of prayer. Prayer builds […]
4 Myths about Divorce that Can Hurt Your Church – Part 1 of 4 in the Series
When it comes to building and nourishing a marriage the message is clear, both partners have a responsibility. As Christian leaders we challenge each person to do all he or she can to honor the marriage covenant, build the relationship, and create a loving Christ-centered home. We challenge each person to give 100 percent to making the marriage work. But, are there times when a single 100% won’t carry a marriage? Sadly, there are.
Since we come from the understanding that each person in the […]
Fear is perhaps the most prevailing emotion associated with divorce. Fear of change, fear of the future, fear of being alone, fears for your children, and the list goes on. Fear rattles your cage and makes you desperate for a sense of security.
Divorce gives us plenty of reasons to fear. Fear is a brutal master.
So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, ‘Abba, Father.’ For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s […]