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More By: Renee Ettline

Do You Really Need New Year’s Resolutions when Dealing with Divorce?

Do You Really Need New Year’s Resolutions when Dealing with Divorce?

Maybe.

If you’re starting to heal from divorce, New Year’s resolutions may be a good way to set goals and move your life forward.  But, if you’re still struggling with the raw emotions of divorce you may need New Day resolutions instead.

One Day at a Time

The pain of divorce can stifle your vision for the future for a while.  The future may seem scary at best.  Long range planning may give way to simply trying to get through today.  If you’re finding it hard to see beyond today, that’s okay.

With divorce there is a season for taking life one day at […]

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10 Ways to Cope with Christmas after Separation or Divorce

10 Ways to Cope with Christmas after Separation or Divorce

Just before Christmas several years ago I was given the word that my first marriage was about to end.  “Joy to the World” wasn’t exactly my first holiday sentiment. I was devastated.

Frankly, I did not want to be around happy people. My grief was too profound. Yet in the end, it turned out to be a blessing. The gathering of family and friends proved to be my soft place to land at a time I desperately needed comfort.

Holidays, especially those associated with traditions, have a crazy way of magnifying our losses. Blues can set in because of expectations, lost traditions, […]

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Finding Happiness – When Divorce Leaves You Feeling Anything but Thankful

Finding Happiness – When Divorce Leaves You Feeling Anything but Thankful

It’s hard to be thankful when your world is collapsing due to divorce.  How can you feel gratitude when your heart is broken and the future is anything but certain?  Why bother?

Because being thankful helps you even when you don’t feel very thankful.

Gratitude changes the brain.  An article on positivepsychology.com says,

When we express gratitude and receive the same, our brain releases dopamine and serotonin, the two crucial neurotransmitters responsible for our emotions, and they make us feel ‘good’. They enhance our mood immediately, making us feel happy from the inside.

By consciously practicing gratitude everyday, we can help these […]

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Coping with Divorce – Why “Forgive and Forget” is Part Myth

Coping with Divorce – Why “Forgive and Forget” is Part Myth

I’m pretty sure you’ve heard it. Forgive and forget, they say.

How do you forget being abused? How do you forget that your spouse had an affair? Can anyone actually forget such serious hurts? Is it fair of us to expect they should?

Why Forgetting is a Myth

Forgetting the deep hurts of divorce isn’t realistic, especially while you’re coping with divorce. Forgetting implies you don’t remember, like the wrong never happened.  Over time some things may fade from your memory but it’s unlikely you will actually forget the things that hurt you deeply anytime soon.

What’s more, true forgetting could set you up […]

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When Divorce Does Crazy Things to Your Heart

When Divorce Does Crazy Things to Your Heart

All night long on my bed, I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him.  I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves.  So I looked for him but did not find him.

Song of Songs 3: 1-2 (NIV)

 

These words from Song of Songs (Song of Solomon) are about love not divorce.  Yet, I think they say so much.  Love makes the heart do both wonderful as well as crazy things.

When we lose […]

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What to do about Divorce Loneliness

What to do about Divorce Loneliness

No matter what brought your marriage to an end, it hurts to have lost love. Not only that, but learning to face every day single is often lonely.  It’s normal to feel like you would like someone new  to fill the void and help you feel whole again.

Yet, searching for romance out of loneliness leaves you more vulnerable to accepting a relationship with the wrong person.  Plus, if you take old wounds into a new relationship it increases the likelihood that you’ll be hurt again. Nobody wants that.

Wanting to love and be loved is normal.  Yet, you can put yourself […]

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Can You Heal from Divorce?

Join me in this podcast where I’m guest of attorney and divorce coach Jason Levoy.  Jason asks some tough questions. You won’t want to miss this conversation about healing from divorce. 

Listen Now

God bless you in your journey to finding peace after divorce.

Renee Smith Ettline
Founder of After Divorce Ministries, LLC
Creator of the Peace after Divorce Workshop

 

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Co-parenting with a Bad Role Model

Co-parenting with a Bad Role Model

When you want your children to grow up with strong Christian values but their other parent isn’t on board it can be more than infuriating. It can be a dilemma. It’s especially a dilemma if your children’s other parent is an active influence in their lives.

In an ideal world, divorced parents work together for the good of their children. But, the words divorce and ideal aren’t a natural match. And, if your ex has committed adultery, has an addiction problem, or lacks integrity, your children are subject to have those influences in their lives.

No wonder you’re concerned.

On the one hand, […]

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Life after Divorce – Renewing Your Spirit

Life after Divorce – Renewing Your Spirit

When the road to divorce became a reality, as well as when I was first divorced, church became a two-edged sword for me. It was hard to go alone. It was hard to sit alone. It was hard not to cry.

But, I went.

I went because hearing a message reminded me that God was near. Being with fellow believers reassured me that I was a part of something far greater than myself. And, the lyrics and sounds of the songs lifted my soul.

The real conflict was that I felt like I let God down even though I wasn’t the one who […]

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You’re Worth More than Divorce Would Have You Believe

I remember the sinking feeling that came with divorce. It was all so emotionally complicated. I was a pretty self-confident person and then suddenly I wasn’t.

How could I be worth anything if my spouse didn’t value me?

This is one of the landmines of divorce. If the one who promised to love you forever now abandons you, lies to you, is unfaithful, abuses you physically or emotionally, or neglects you, it’s easy to decide you must be worthless.

Wrong.

It’s a natural reaction, but it isn’t true. You’re worth more than that. Lots […]

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