I’m pretty sure you’ve heard it. Forgive and forget, they say.
How do you forget being abused? How do you forget that your spouse had an affair? Can anyone actually forget such serious hurts? Is it fair of us to expect they should?
Why Forgetting is a Myth
Forgetting the deep hurts of divorce isn’t realistic, especially while you’re coping with divorce. Forgetting implies you don’t remember, like the wrong never happened. Over time some things may fade from your memory but it’s unlikely you will actually forget the things that hurt you deeply anytime soon.
What’s more, true forgetting could set you up […]
All night long on my bed, I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him. I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him.
Song of Songs 3: 1-2 (NIV)
These words from Song of Songs (Song of Solomon) are about love not divorce. Yet, I think they say so much. Love makes the heart do both wonderful as well as crazy things.
When we lose […]
No matter what brought your marriage to an end, it hurts to have lost love. Not only that, but learning to face every day single is often lonely. It’s normal to feel like you would like someone new to fill the void and help you feel whole again.
Yet, searching for romance out of loneliness leaves you more vulnerable to accepting a relationship with the wrong person. Plus, if you take old wounds into a new relationship it increases the likelihood that you’ll be hurt again. Nobody wants that.
Wanting to love and be loved is normal. Yet, you can put yourself […]
Join me in this podcast where I’m guest of attorney and divorce coach Jason Levoy. Jason asks some tough questions. You won’t want to miss this conversation about healing from divorce.
God bless you in your journey to finding peace after divorce.
Renee Smith Ettline
When you want your children to grow up with strong Christian values but their other parent isn’t on board it can be more than infuriating. It can be a dilemma. It’s especially a dilemma if your children’s other parent is an active influence in their lives.
In an ideal world, divorced parents work together for the good of their children. But, the words divorce and ideal aren’t a natural match. And, if your ex has committed adultery, has an addiction problem, or lacks integrity, your children are subject to have those influences in their lives.
No wonder you’re concerned.
On the one hand, […]
When the road to divorce became a reality, as well as when I was first divorced, church became a two-edged sword for me. It was hard to go alone. It was hard to sit alone. It was hard not to cry.
But, I went.
I went because hearing a message reminded me that God was near. Being with fellow believers reassured me that I was a part of something far greater than myself. And, the lyrics and sounds of the songs lifted my soul.
The real conflict was that I felt like I let God down even though I wasn’t the one who […]
I remember the sinking feeling that came with divorce. It was all so emotionally complicated. I was a pretty self-confident person and then suddenly I wasn’t.
How could I be worth anything if my spouse didn’t value me?
This is one of the landmines of divorce. If the one who promised to love you forever now abandons you, lies to you, is unfaithful, abuses you physically or emotionally, or neglects you, it’s easy to decide you must be worthless.
It’s a natural reaction, but it isn’t true. You’re worth more than that. Lots […]
Over the years I’ve often heard people hoping that karma catches up with their ex spouse. I get that because hurt, especially the deep hurt of infidelity and divorce, is a rotten feeling. And, when you’ve been so betrayed and broken by another person, it’s only natural to want to see that person get their due.
You want someone to make them pay for all the hurt they caused you. You certainly don’t want to see the person who hurt you now living a happy life. That just feels so very wrong.
The problem is that the desire […]
My first husband left just before Christmas. I could hardly feel “Peace on earth, good will toward men.” As Christmas approached, the season seemed devoid of meaning. I hurt so much that it seemed the life had been sucked out of me.
4 Myths about Divorce that Can Hurt Your Church – Part 4 of 4 in the Series
We know God can do immeasurably more than we hope or imagine. We know it because we’ve lived it. So, when a person is facing divorce, our natural faith-driven instinct is to highlight this truth of the Christian faith. Because we know the power of God, we can be quick to assume that the person who is accepting divorce as their reality simply hasn’t given God time to work, or believed hard enough in God’s faithfulness.
You don’t have enough faith, we think or say.