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6 Thoughts to Kick Your Ex Out of Your Head

How long are you going to allow that man to live rent free in your head?”

I love that question. Don’t you?

One of our workshop participants says it is what her mother asks her when she obsesses about her ex-husband. (Also applies to an ex-wife.)

Are Your Thoughts Casting Shadows in Your Life?

Isn’t it true that it is so easy to let your thoughts about your ex get the best of you? Dealing with your ex can be difficult even in your own head.  This mental battle is reported by many people who come to our Peace after Divorce groups. Really, I think I’m safe in saying just about everybody.

I call these thoughts Darkness Thoughts. They’re the thoughts that feel so justified when they pop up but that hold you back from healing. Sometimes they may surface because your ex’s or soon-to-be ex’s behavior makes no sense to you. These thoughts may also happen because you are still trying to take responsibility for your ex’s choices or because you feel a need to get back at your ex for the hurt they inflict or have inflicted on you.

No More Free Rent!

The best way to get rid of these haunting Darkness Thoughts is to think a different way. Darkness Thoughts pop up but you can decide to quit allowing your ex to “live rent free in your head” by consciously replacing those thoughts with thoughts that move you forward. I call these In-the-Light Thoughts.

6 In-the-Light Thoughts

See if any of these thoughts would help you to get rid of haunting thoughts about your ex or soon-to-be ex.

  1. Making an emotional break with my former spouse will help me to move on with my life.
  2. I cannot assume responsibility for my former spouse’s behavior. However, that does not mean I subject my children or myself to an abuse.
  3. My former spouse’s choices don’t need to make sense to me.
  4. I will do my best to have a civil relationship with my former spouse.
  5. Forgiveness is a decision that frees me.
  6. I can forgive my former spouse without approving of the behavior I am forgiving.

You Can Do It!

When it comes to your former spouse, it will likely take concentrated effort to replace Darkness Thoughts with In-the-Light Thoughts. If a thought keeps you tied to the past in a way that hinders your ability to move forward toward a positive life in the promises of God, it is a Darkness Thought. Recognize it, pray for strength and wisdom to replace it with a healing thought, and persist until you succeed.

Christian Inspiration

I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness.”  John 12:46

Get Past the Pain and Live Again… PAD cover with yellow my version

Practical Guidance and Christian Inspiration

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Related Posts…

Divorce: How Can He Be So Cold and Heartless?

Is Your Ex-Spouse a Pain?

About the AuthorRenee Ettline

Thanks for visiting my blog.  I’m Renee Smith Ettline, a Christian who has been through divorce, knows the pain but also knows life after divorce can be marvelous.  I believe you can find healing just as I have done.

God’s done a pretty neat thing and woven together my faith, His love, my experience with divorce, and my background as a counselor to create an award-winning book called Peace after Divorce.  It’s a healing walk through practical strategies for healing from divorce along with inspirational scriptures that give you hope and assure you of God’s love for you.

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2 Comments on 6 Thoughts to Kick Your Ex Out of Your Head

  1. Ken Hayward says:

    I resently went through a horrible divorce in which my wife left me and my now 10 year old special needs son. Then her boyfriend passed away and she came back with a vengeance to destroy me. he pain has been tremendous. If not for our good loving lord, I would not be here writing this. She has taken virtually everything I have worked for in the 32 years of marriage. Although I worked hard to make the marriage work, she was not willing to work at it. She has not been iwilling to stay in contact with me and has made no effort to see our son. I am constantly dealing with the dark moments. I see your site is for hurt women but I am in need of the same healing as you sisters in Christ. Please let me know if there is anything available for men. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and bless you.

    • Renee Ettline says:

      Ken, thank you for writing. I tend to write with a woman’s voice because, well I am a woman. Nonetheless, this site is also for men. The hurt of divorce is the same. I would strongly urge you to get a copy of our book Peace after Divorce as I think it would help you immensely. I’m not at my desk now but I do want to follow-up with you. God does love you! He feels your pain and will see you through.

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