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3 Pitfalls to Avoid When the Loneliness of Divorce Sets In

I’m so lonely, I just want to find someone.”

Are you feeling lonely due to separation and divorce? How are you handling it? Here are three pitfalls and what you can do about them.

But before we hit the list let’s be real.  Getting over loneliness associated with the end of your marriage takes time. The good news is that feeling better can happen faster if you’re intentional about embracing time alone and getting over loneliness.

1.   Staying Excessively Busy

Because most people don’t want to face a lonely heart there can be a tendency to avoid dealing with it by staying very busy. Activity may provide a distraction and temporarily ease stress. The problem is when constant busyness keeps you from healing.

Better Choice: Everyone needs a break from stress so enjoy getting out and being around people. Also take some of that energy and attend a divorce support group or a group on how to heal from divorce. Seek counseling. Read books on healing from divorce. Hiding from the hurt stagnates you. Facing it and dealing with it allows you to clear it away and move beyond the hurt. Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely.

2.   Looking for Love

Do you find yourself longing for someone to replace the lost love. That’s normal but dangerous when you are still hurting from divorce. Neediness can leave you vulnerable to letting your need override your judgement landing you in a bad relationship.

Better Choice: Shift your focus. Decide to wait. Focus your thoughts on discovering yourself and healing your pain. Pursue interests that have laid dormant. Build your sense of confidence. Build your relationship with God. Once you become centered without needing to have a partner you will be in a much better place for a healthy relationship. It is worth the wait.

3.   Dwelling on the Loss

Are you spending a lot of time dwelling on the losses in your life? Dealing with your losses is healthy. Grieving is healthy. Staying for an extended time in a state of woe-is-me is not.

Better Choice: Decide to become proactive about healing from divorce. Make choices to replace self-defeating thoughts with thoughts that move you forward. Be deliberate about re-framing your thoughts.

Enrich Your Life

American poet May Sarton said,

Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.

I would also add, talk with God as you make this journey.  I know it may not come naturally but look at time alone as a blessing. Solitude can provide time to work through emotions, thoughts, and beliefs. Feelings of loneliness will likely fade as you begin to build a sense of yourself and to define your new life in positive ways.

Christian Inspiration:

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17 NIV

Don’t Know How to Cope with or Heal from Divorce?  Need Help?

Renee’s book, Peace after Divorce can help you.

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About the AuthorRenee Ettline

Thanks for visiting my blog.  I’m Renee Smith Ettline, a Christian who has been through divorce, knows the pain but also knows life after divorce can be marvelous.  I believe you can find healing just as I have done.

God’s done a pretty neat thing and woven together my faith, His love, my experience with divorce, and my background as a counselor to create an award-winning book called Peace after Divorce.  It’s a healing walk through practical strategies for healing from divorce along with inspirational scriptures that give you hope and assure you of God’s love for you.

Need a Divorce Support Group?  If your church doesn’t have a group or class for people hurting from divorce visit our website to learn about our Peace after Divorce Groups and to find out about our small group curriculum for churches and Christian agencies.

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4 Comments on 3 Pitfalls to Avoid When the Loneliness of Divorce Sets In

  1. Desiree says:

    I don’t think I will ever be the same again!!

    • Renee Ettline says:

      Desiree, I know that feeling. Divorce will always be a part of your past but it is possible to work through the pain to the point that your divorce no longer has emotional power in your life. You may feel stuck now but there is hope. You need to become intentional about healing. That sounds great but it’s hard to know how to do that. Attend a Peace after Divorce Workshop in your community or join the online Workshop. You can learn more here.

      • Desiree says:

        I’m so lonely is there hope of finding a soul mate after healing?

        • Renee Ettline says:

          Yes Desiree, there is. But, the critical thing now is to focus on your own healing first. If you’re feeling very needy for someone it’s just too easy to get involved with the wrong person. Focus on your own healing. Find friends to do things with. Learn to be alone without being lonely. Being alone is a circumstance. Being lonely is a state of the heart. Pour your energies into healing your heart and then you will be in a better position to have a successful relationship. Seek God, He will help you, but you may also need support. Join a local divorce support group or check out the Peace after Divorce Workshop online. God bless you. http://www.peaceafterdivorceworkshop.com

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